Foxboro Jaycees April Fools Page
In 1729, the Foxboro Jaycees were formed under the auspices of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, continuing an 800 year tradition of community service and killing chipmunks. In 1813 we reorganized as a secret society, clandestinely manipulating global events for our own diabolical purposes. We also have a lovely arts and crafts fair on Foxboro Common each Spring. Yes, this is the April Fools Day Page, enjoy!
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie join the Foxboro Jaycees

In a move that surprised no one, celebrity superstars Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have joined the Foxboro Jaycees.

The super couple, who met on Foxboro Common a few years back, went on to mega-stardom in movies, television, and adopting lots of children.

Jolie and Pitt are no strangers to Foxboro, having filmed dozens of movies in town over their illustrious careers, including “The Ferret From Beyond The Stars,” “The Wailing Famous Dudes From Camelot,” "Day Of The Sneaky Macro-Freaks From The Phantom Zone (In 3-D)”, “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” “Gia,” and “Bride Of The Thingy From The Stone Age.”

Jolie explained that her role as Goodwill ambassador of the UN and her humanitarian work make her a natural for the community service of the Foxboro Jaycees. “You have the greatest chapter of the Jaycees in the nation, and I figured I could become your ambassador or something.”

Pitt went on, “We’re so famous and everyone loves us, and we agreed about the only way to stay on tabloid covers is to keep doing things. So here we are!”

In a completely unrelated story, the president of the Foxboro Jaycees, Jennifer Aniston, resigned her position today.

Book Club Meeting

This month's book club selection is "The Pencil: A history of design and circumstance," by Professor Henry Protosky.

The text is tremendously engaging -- in my own field (philosophy of pathological empiricism), I can certainly say that this is an exhilarating book for anyone who uses, likes or admires pencils. It's books like this that make me so happy that I am in this book club -- this tome will undoubtedly yield some intense and thoughtful discussion at our next meeting!

As usual, this month's meeting will at 8:00 at Betty's house.

PLEASE remember our rules!
  1. You don't talk about book club.
  2. You don't talk about book club.
  3. Only ten people to a book club fight.
  4. One book club fight at a time.
  5. The book club fights go on as long as they have to.
  6. If this is your first night at book club, you have to fight.

Members: Please note that to hopefully avoid a repeat of last month's police involvement, we ask that you refrain from stabbing each other when you disagree on a story point, and that members please leave all sharp objects, night sticks and chains in their car.

Snacks will be served.
Camping / Hiking Trip Pictures!
Many thanks to everyone who sent in pictures of the camping hiking trip! Looks like it was a great time!
Jaycee General Meetings to be broadcast LIVE on FCA

If you were at the February GM you already know that Foxboro Cable is 8 going to be broadcasting all future Jaycee General Membership Meetings LIVE as of April 1 on Foxboro Cable 8.

Michael Webber, director of Foxboro Cable, stated that, "...the broadcast of selectman’s meetings and Foxboro sports are very popular with viewers, and the town would love to see what the Jaycee are up to as well.”

This broadcast will also allow Jaycee members who are not feeling well to watch the meeting too.

A short test segment of the a “mock GM” was filmed at the South Foxboro Community Club last month to verify the broadcast range for the FCA mobile unit and the results were excellent. So Jaycees, dress your best for GMs going forward, because you’ll be live on Foxboro cable!

For a sample of the test video please click HERE
First Camp Lincoln Hill cabin moved to new location at Booth playground

The Foxboro Jaycees are elated to announce that the first of seventeen buildings from Camp Lincoln Hill, used in six haunted houses, has been dismantled, moved and restored at the new Haunted House location on Booth Playground.

There was some outcry from a few local crybabies as the skate park, baseball field, playground, and Igo school were demolished to make room for the seventeen ancient structures, but as one Jaycee observed, "The Jaycee Haunted House is an important part of Foxboro History that must be preserved!”

The “Guide/Makeup” building, pictured here at the new location, was the obvious choice to go first. The much beloved building was used for makeup, costume preparation, food, and was the setting of unholy rituals, blood sacrifices to the queen of the fallen angels, and five John Denver Christmas specials.

The project is a Herculean one, as the Jaycees descended upon Camp Lincoln Hill in early 2006 and painstakingly disassembled each of the seventeen buildings and stored them in liquid nitrogen until they could be moved and reassembled.

The buildings, some of which are over fifty years old, were condemned because Camp Lincoln Hill is haunted by an evil spirit called Zancou. The new location is definitely not haunted, except for the evil clown in the nearby sewer.

The project is expected to be completed in time for the 2008 Haunted House, "The Haunted Ski Lodge"
Summer Concerts on the Common Schedule Announced

The 2008 Foxboro Jaycees Concerts on the Common schedule has been finalized! Join us each Thursday between 3:00am-5:00am as we proudly present our “Summer Concerts on the Common" series.

Shows begin Thursday July 5 and run on the second Thursday of every other week thereafter, except during holiday weeks when the show will be on Wednesday evening. In the event of rain the show is held the previous week.

This season offers something for everyone and all concerts are FREE!
  • High School band - Join our very talented local high school band as they kick off the summer season with an evening of traditional Christmas carols.
  • The Arthur Bach Philharmonic – Country/Western band with a Celtic twist
  • Bionic Foxboro And The Crude Resistance - The music of Yanni set to a heavy metal grunge beat -- SOLD OUT!
  • Zeta Reticula - Alaska's favorite Gothic hip-hop trio!
  • Merciful Waffles and the Zodiac - The music of the opera A Midsummer Night's Dream set to a libretto adapted by the composer and Frank Sinatra from William Shakespeare's play (note: performed in the original Norse language)
  • ABBA - Reunited on Foxboro Common -- first concert in almost thirty years!
  • Extreme Malice and the Extra-strength Outrage - End the season with these feel-good songs we all love!
Jaycee Easter Egg Hunt venue and format change to prevent repeat of last year's rioting

As widely reported in the media, last year’s festivities at the annual Easter Egg Hunt turned chaotic.

Expecting about 300 kids, the Jaycees were horrified when an estimated crowd of three million people descended on Foxboro Common.

The unruly mob soon discovered that there weren’t enough eggs for everyone – and a group calling themselves the “Penny Candy Brigade” took the Easter Bunny hostage and demanded more caramels, green jelly beans and tootsie rolls.

Then, a Good & Plenty beaned someone in the head, and rioting began.

After four hours of intense fighting, the riot squad was able to disperse the crowd with tear gas and a large supply of marshmallow peeps.

To avoid a repeat, this year’s Easter Egg Hunt will be at the Foxboro Aquarium, to protect the Easter Bunny. To ensure everyone’s safety, rather than Easter Eggs, we will be handing out free coupons to anger management workshops. Happy Easter to all!

Foxboro Jaycees in the News

(Click the magazine cover for the full image)
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