\n<\/strong><\/p>\n
Foxboro Jaycees Announce Most Ambitious Parade Float Ever For 2019 \u2014 Let it SNOW!<\/strong><\/p>\n Foxboro Jaycees president Sydney Ellen Wade elucidates, “As everyone knows — for the last 100 years, every time a snow storm is forecast for the New England area, Foxboro is always the so-called Jackpot Zone with the most accumulation. No matter how little snowfall is recorded in neighboring towns, Foxboro is always slammed with two or three feet of snow. And the Jaycees LOVE snow.”<\/p>\n Jaycee Chief Visionary Officer Andrew Shepherd went on, “In addition to the popular “sand for anyone” program in which the Jaycees dump two tons of sand per week on each driveway in town (whether requested or not), to our thousands of handcrafted ice sculptures we Jaycees craft for New year\u2019s Eve, to the boatload of money we make selling ice scrapers outside Stop & Shop every day for the last 20 years – well, we just love winter and SNOW! Let it SNOW!”<\/p>\n Jaycee Regional Ideation Manager Robin McCall, who came up with the float concept, is THRILLED with the idea. “Nothing says FOXBORO like SNOW. The 2019 Jaycee Independence Day float will measure five football fields in length and will be covered with twelve feet of REAL snow \u2013 at enormous expense, we\u2019re bringing in twenty snow-making machines, the same type of snow making machines used at mountain ski resorts in New Hampshire.”<\/p>\n Float co-chairman and Investor Paradigm Facilitator A.J. MacInerney particularized, “As our float makes its way along the parade route, our industrial strength snow-makers will blast Central Street and the Common with nearly a foot of snow!<\/strong> Aboard the float, Jaycees will be dressed as beloved winter characters, such as Elsa from “Frozen”, the winter warlock from “Santa Claus is Coming to Town,” The Snow Queen from “Narnia,”, The White Walkers from Game of Thrones, Jack Frost and many others! And the candy we pass out will all be wrapped in a snowball!”<\/p>\n Jaycee Viceroy of Research Excellence Lewis Rothschild pontificated, “This will be a wonderful opportunity to experience all our beloved snowy winter traditions on a scorching hot June day courtesy of the Foxboro Jaycees. In addition to the float, the Jaycees plan to blast their section of Booth playground with 15 feet of snow across seven acres, and introduce June skiing as a new ways and means project.”<\/p>\n The board of selectman and, parade committee have denied permission for the float (and concurrent burial of two miles of town roads under a foot of snow). Also, an unprecedented emergency town meeting of EVERYONE ELSE in town unanimously struck down this idea.<\/p>\n However, the Jaycees remain undeterred and are already busily moving forward with the plan. When asked about all of the opposition to the float, Jaycee director of operational excellence, Bob Rumson, smiled cryptically and just said, “…Better stock up on the milk and bread!”<\/p>\n NOTHING like a parade in winter!<\/p><\/div>\n FOXBORO JAYCEES MAKE BID TO HOST THE 2024 OLYMPICS ON FOXBORO COMMON<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Jaycee president Tyrion Lannister explained, \u201cThe Jaycees are an international organization, and if we can handle a bingo night or a pancake breakfast, how hard can hosting the Olympics be? We have Foxboro Common – it\u2019s all the venue you need! There\u2019s ample parking, a bandstand for the opening and closing ceremonies, nearby Booth Field for overflow parking – I mean, it\u2019s the OLYMPICS<\/i>. It\u2019s not like it\u2019s a COMPLICATED<\/span> sports event or anything.”<\/p>\n Lannister seemed confused by the looks he was getting from the assembled media and large crowd and added, \u201cIt\u2019s time to bring SPORTS<\/b> to Foxboro!”<\/p>\n That last statement stunned local media officials, ALL of the town\u2019s residents, and this writer, into complete silence for several long minutes.<\/p>\n Earlier in the press conference, Lannister said that an exploratory committee of three members has been formed and a fact finder of $25.00 approved by the Jaycee board. A final ten page report with all the details and logistics for the two month-long international sporting event is expected within \u201ca week or two.”<\/p>\n Jaycee Olympic 2024 chairman Jon Snow went on: \u201cOur mandate is to have the Foxboro Jaycees bring ALL Olympic events to Foxboro Common in 2024 – summer and winter sports — we\u2019d be in charge of EVERYTHING — we\u2019ve already written a letter to town officials asking for permission to build a new Olympic athlete village \/ swimming pool \/ ten level shopping mall on the site of the old fire station, adjacent to the Common, which at 2400 square feet should be more than enough space. We just need to draw up some – oh, what\u2019s that word\u2026 blueprints – yeah, that\u2019s it. Also, we have already been asking for donations of lumber and nails and other stuff.”<\/p>\n The chairman elaborated that at the next General Membership meeting, the chapter will vote on whether to allocate, “Up to five hundred dollars to build new facilities and host the 2024 Olympics on Foxboro Common.”<\/p>\n Local and international media went wild, yelling, “You know nothing, Jon Snow!” and drowning out each other with questions of how the Foxboro Jaycees could possibly raise the additional millions of dollars in funds needed to afford such an expensive, herculean, international project, consisting of dozens of simultaneous competitive events and hosting thousands of athletes, and uncountable logistics, or manage potentially millions of spectators visiting the small town.<\/p>\n Ways and Means vice-president Catelyn Stark elaborated, \u201cWe will have aggressive fund raising — We\u2019ll have car washes, ice scraper sales, sell some cookies and hold a few raffles for great prizes.” She seemed annoyed as she added, \u201cOnce again, you people in the media are overreacting as usual and are making a REALLY big deal out of this. Look, it\u2019s JUST the OLYMPICS<\/span>, how complicated can it be?”<\/p>\n That last statement brought the media to an awkward silence again as Jaycee publicity director and mother of dragons Daenerys Targaryen added, \u201cWe already have 6 members signed up to help and the event is still 12 years away! We hope to have a full Olympic committee of at least 20 members for opening events! We already have the Olympic flame all set up and ready to go!”<\/p>\n She pointed to a small fire pit in the center of Foxboro common with a \u201cDura flame” log placed inside.<\/p>\n Targaryen then unrolled a small poster board that read, \u201c\u201cThe Foxboro Jaycees and Olympics 2024: The Winning Team!” and added, \u201cWe\u2019re going all out and plan to make at least twenty of these to put around town!”<\/p>\n The Jaycees encourage everyone to follow the progress of this endeavor at their official website, http:\/\/NoSeriouslyTheJayceesAreHostingThe2024Olympics.org.com.notreally<\/p>\n Editor\u2019s note: Town officials, International Olympics Committee officials, and anyone grounded in reality could not be reached for comment on this story.<\/i><\/p>\n SPOILER ALERT: FOXBORO JAYCEES ROLE IN NEW “SUPERMAN: MAN OF STEEL” MOVIE MUCH MORE THAN A CAMEO<\/strong> April 1, 2013: While hundreds of big-budget films have been filmed in Foxboro over the past decade, not many caused the stir as the new Zack Snyder film, MAN OF STEEL. And now, we can reveal that the Foxboro Jaycees\u2019 role in the film is FAR more important than anyone imagined.<\/p>\n As everyone in Foxboro knows, the production company for the 2013 Superman movie filmed extensively in Foxboro during the summer of 2011. It was initially believed the crew was only filming crowd shots and images of our skyscrapers and downtown area, as it had already been reported by TMZ that Foxboro would double as the city of Metropolis.<\/p>\n Now, we can finally report that the Foxboro Jaycees filmed MANY key scenes with Clark Kent\/Superman star Henry Cavill, and that it is the JAYCEES that convince young Clark Kent that, “Service to humanity is the best work of life,” words that resonate with the Kryptonian and convince him where his true path lies: SUPERMAN.<\/p>\n In the film, Kent, who has felt outcast and alone once he discovers his extraterrestrial origins, makes his way from the farm in Smallville (filled at Camp Lincoln Hill) to Metropolis. There, he attends a meeting of the Foxboro Jaycees (in the film, Metropolis Jaycees) and is immediately welcomed as a new member, quickly chairing such projects as Arbor Day concessions, and Bunker Hill Day pancake fiesta, but needs to unexpectedly reveal his incredible powers and abilities by saving the lives of 1500 passengers in a horrific blimp accident on Foxboro (Metropolis) Common caused by arch-villain General Zod.<\/p>\n After the spectacular save, Kent dons the familiar blue and red Superman uniform, and fights for truth, justice, and the Jaycee way.<\/p>\n Look for the film in theaters this spring, and remember, join the Foxboro Jaycees, our group is just… super!<\/p>\n FOXBORO JAYCEES INFORMATION NOW ON “COMPUTERS!!!”<\/strong> New for 2011: The Foxboro Jaycees are elated to announce that we have joined the \u201ctechnology revolution\u201d and that we have started to \u201ccomputerize\u201d some of our information!!! That\u2019s right!!! If you have one of the best-selling home computers such as the Commodore 64, Timex\/Sinclair or Texas Instruments 99-4\/a, you can actually use it to read the Jaycee bylaws or meeting minutes from last month!!! You can even PRINT these (if you have a dot matrix printer attachment and an RS232 cable interface).<\/p>\n We know this change may be jarring for many people, and it\u2019s not the way we\u2019ve always done it, so don\u2019t worry, this information will still be available on paper at every meeting!!!<\/p>\n But with today\u2019s fast-paced world, the Jaycees realize we need to keep up and start using this incr Imagine!!! No more need for carbon paper and mimeograph copies!!! You can actually load the minutes into your computer (using either the cassette tape data storage unit or, for our wealthier members, you can use a new \u201cfloppy disk drive.\u201d) Just warm up your TV, connect the RF modulator, load your operating system, load the cassette (or disc), read in the file, and, fifteen minutes later, PRESTO!!! our agenda or bylaws are RIGHT ON YOUR TV SCREEN!!! It\u2019s incredible!!!<\/p>\n Note: For best results, we recommend high-quality Radio Shack cassette tapes (plan to spend at least two dollars per tape).<\/p>\n As computers drop in price for less than $5000, we hope that more homes will h As a leadership organization, we think that these new computers will become more and more popular and that years from now everyone will be using them. We’re even hosting a computer learning conference next month to help take the mystery out of chr$(32) and the GOSUB statement!!! So jump on the technology train with us!!! Next stop, the future!!!!!!!!!<\/p>\n BATMAN’S JAYCEE MEMBERSHIP REVOKED<\/strong><\/p>\n Batman, recently re-located to Foxboro, who gave his address as \u201cStately Wayne Manor,\u201d had applied to the chapter last month. But immediately upon his swearing in, eyebrows were raised when he amended the Jaycee oath with, \u201cI seek \u2026 the means to fight injustice. To turn fear against those who prey on the fearful. People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy. As a symbol, I can be incorruptible. I can be everlasting.\u201d<\/p>\n Then, the Batman attacked a member who accidentally neglected to pay 50 cents for bottle of water, growling, \u201cYou criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot! You’ll be in a padded cell forever!\u201d Later, when another member made a motion to accept the Community Development Report, Batman hurled a batarang at the podium, saying that that \u201cWhat about \u201cbashing in the heads of evil-doers?\u201d why isn\u2019t THAT on the community development agenda?\u201d<\/p>\n Also, when his motion for a new line item for a Bat-Signal to be installed on the Foxboro Police Commissioner\u2019s office was denied (mainly because Foxboro doesn\u2019t have a commissioner), the Batman said cryptically, \u201cForget it, I\u2019m a billionaire, I\u2019ll pay for it myself. I\u2019m Batman!\u201d<\/p>\n Even his \u201cremarks for the good of the chapter\u201d were cryptic; he mumbled, \u201cYou ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?\u201d before vanishing in a puff of smoke.<\/p>\n In the final straw, at the recent Jaycee \u201cHappy-Clown Circus Day\u201d at the Adam West Pavilion, when the circus clowns arrived to entertain the children, the Batman unleashed a savage beating against the entertainers, stating that, \u201cThe Joker must be stopped at any cost. Justice MUST prevail! Tell THAT to your clown prince!\u201d<\/p>\n Jaycee president Kyle issued a statement saying, \u201cWhile we appreciate all of the Batman\u2019s work bringing criminals to justice over the years in his home city, we feel that just Foxboro is very different than Gotham City and doesn\u2019t require Batman\u2019s brand of vigilante justice. Unlike Gotham, super-villains rarely try to take over Foxboro with Smilex gas, or unleash rocket-propelled penguins in crime sprees, or even crash the monorail system to unleash fear-toxin into the waterways.”<\/p>\n She paused and added, \u201cWell, that last one may be because we don\u2019t have a monorail here. But look, the last super-villain attack here was, what, when the vampires arrived in 1997? And all we had to do was wait for the sun to come up and they burst into flames. Problem solved.\u201d<\/p>\n She continued, \u201cBatman\u2019s methodology is far more violent and uncontrolled, and it\u2019s not the Jaycee way. For example, we Jaycees define community service by our popular events, such as the blueberry pie toss, the fun run for to find a cure for hypochondriacs, sand for seniors, and our heavy-metal goth fest on the Common each May. To be blunt, Batman has anger-management issues, and he\u2019s just not a good fit for our group, but we wish him well.\u201d<\/p>\n Batman\u2019s attorney, a Mr. Alfred Pennyworth, could not be reached for comment.<\/p>\n FOXBORO JAYCEES IN THE NEWS<\/strong><\/p>\n FOXBORO JAYCEES APPEAR IN NEW “FAMILY GUY” EPSIODE!<\/strong><\/p>\n Fox-TV has confirmed that the April 1 episode of \u201cFamily Guy\u201d will feature an appearance by the Foxboro Jaycees! In the episode, Stewie and Brian head north from Quahog Rhode Island to Foxboro and immediately cause problems in our home town. While Brian makes an impassioned speech to the Foxboro Selectman about \u201cThe dog park from a dog\u2019s perspective,\u201d Stewie realizes that a logical first step to his quest for world domination is becoming leader of the Foxboro Jaycees. Hilarious high jinks ensue, and at the end, the duo leads the Jaycees through Foxboro in a joyful musical number.<\/p>\n FOXBORO JAYCEES PURCHASE A “CAMERA” TO TAKE “PHOTO-GRAPHS!!!”<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n While this “camera” retails for well over three hundred dollars at such high-end stores as Zayres, Kresgees and Woolworth\u2019s, after much negotiation, the Jaycees secured a comparable model at Lechmere for only $249.99, along with two packages of flash “cubes” and three rolls of 12 exposure film, which should be more than enough for the year\u2019s events.<\/p>\n “Yeah, it\u2019s unproven new technology, but these “cameras” really seem popular with kids these days,” said Jaycee president Elena Gilbert. “And the Jaycees have always been about jumping on the “technology” bandwagon.”<\/p>\n Community development VP Damon Salvatore added, “It\u2019s so much fun to actually take a photographic image \u2013 image that! — at one of our events, and then, a month later, after the roll of 12 exposure film has been all used, we mail it in to be developed, and anxiously wait for the photographs to come back! It\u2019s incredible to relive those great memories! I think we may be onto a new trend here!”<\/p>\n The “camera”,” shown above, features modern flash “cube” technology, allowing (if the hype is to be believed) four photographic images to be taken by “flash” (a burst of light that illuminates low-lighting conditions such as an indoor room) before replacing the cube.<\/p>\n When asked about the purchase, Jaycee biographer Lauren Bitar couldn\u2019t hide her enthusiasm: “These are very popular with the Royals,” she beamed, adding, “I want the entire room photographed!” Of course, the chapter isn\u2019t about to lay out THAT kind of money for so many photographic images, but everyone seems to like the new investment.<\/p>\n The first test looks promising. Of the five photographic images that came out from the 12-exposure roll, the chapter was wowed that the new “camera” not only takes traditional black and white, but *****COLOR***** photographs that appear in murky shades of pale green, washed-out blue, and faded red.<\/p>\n “It\u2019s awe-inspiring. The Jaycees have really moved into the 20th century with this investment,” said Ways & Means VP Bonnie Bennet. “We really think this “photographic picture taking” thing is going to really take off and are hopeful that as prices drop we will be able to afford more film and developing costs, and perhaps one day even create a scrapbook of photo-graphs!”<\/p>\n In the meantime, be sure to stop by the next General Membership Meeting at the community center and check out the bulletin board for the new “photographs!”<\/p>\n FOXBORO JAYCEES MOVE SANTA ON THE COMMON AND EASTER BUNNY MEET-AND-GREETS TO AUGUST<\/strong><\/p>\n Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus and the Easter Bunny head to Foxboro Common August, 2018 for the combined meet and greet.<\/p><\/div>\n Breaking, April 1, 2018: In a move that surprised no one, the Foxboro Jaycees have decided that they will moving their annual Christmas \u201cSanta on the Common\u201d and Spring \u201cEaster Egg Hunts\u201d from their traditional dates (December and March, respectively) to August. Starting this summer, both events will be held the same evening as the first concert on the common (June 31st).<\/p>\n Jaycee president Lucy Preston explained, \u201cLook, it\u2019s just TOO COLD to do these projects in WINTER any more. And the snow, the snow… It just won’t stop. I mean, at the last five Santa events, the warmest temperature was 19 above zero. And with the wind chill, that\u2019s like 100 degrees below Kelvin! We can\u2019t serve hot chocolate because it freezes into a block of ice. We want everyone to be safe and warm, and it almost never snows in August in Foxboro.\u201d [citation needed]<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cIt followed logically, that we move the Easter Egg hunt as well,\u201d explained Jaycee chief meteorologist Garcia Flynn. \u201cWe have the hunt later and later each year and it still snows! I snows in April and May! Do you know what it\u2019s like to scatter 4000 Easter Eggs in snow when you can feel the calcium in your bones freezing?\u201d<\/p>\n Even the guests of honor, Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus, were in complete agreement. \u201cWe LOVE Foxboro and are puzzled why you get more snow than we do. I mean, Santa and I live at the NORTH POLE and yet **Foxboro** is always the \u201cJackpot Zone\u201d for snow and cold. But we want to continue this lovely tradition and it made sense to do so without the risk of hypothermia. Plus, it\u2019s safer for the reindeer.\u201d<\/p>\n The Easter Bunny, or E.B. as he likes to be called, nodded agreement.<\/p>\n Jaycee Community Development VP Wyatt Logan explained, \u201cIt\u2019ll be a perfect, warm summer evening. The kids meet with the bunny before the concert and hunt for eggs, we have our concert as usual, and at intermission the kids meet with Santa and Mrs. Claus. One trip to the Common, three events, DONE.”<\/p>\n In a related story, the Jaycee ski trip has been rescheduled to July.<\/p>\n FOXBORO JAYCEES ACCUSE NATIONAL MEDIA OUTLETS OF IGNORING ANNUAL JAYCEE BOARD ELECTION; ALSO CONSIDER ABOLISHING USE OF ELECTORAL COLLEGE TO DECIDE WINNER OF JAYCEE CHAPTER ELECTIONS<\/strong><\/p>\n Foxboro, April 1, 2016: The Foxboro Jaycees have once again called out the mainstream media for a complete lack of coverage of the Foxboro Jaycees annual chapter elections. Outgoing Foxboro Jaycee chapter president Abigail Mills issued a statement saying, “Every time there\u2019s a US Presidential election \u2013 and it seems more and more like they have these things every few years \u2013 what\u2019s up with that???!!! Anyway, it seems like whenever the country wants to elect a president, media coverage of the Foxboro Jaycees board of director elections are COMPLETELY ignored. I mean, the Foxboro Jaycees annual board election is IMPORTANT and there has been NO nationwide media coverage of any kind in like, EVER.”<\/p>\n Indeed, exhaustive research (Wikipedia) shows that it is a FACT that over the past year, not one of the major national news outlets including CNN, Fox News, Huffington Post, Daily Planet, ABC, NBC nor CBS \u2013 covered ANY of the 17 Foxboro Jaycee chapter election debates, nor the Foxboro Jaycees chapter primaries, nor even the heated exchange between Foxboro Jaycee presidential candidates Jake Peralta (R), Rosa Diaz (D) and Terry Jeffords (I). Further, there is overwhelming evidence to support the contention that a Foxboro Jaycees election has NEVER been covered by the national media.<\/p>\n Which has led many people in other states to ask exactly WHY the Foxboro Jaycee candidates are traveling to the 49 other states soliciting votes, when in reality the choice of Foxboro Jaycee chapter offices is made ONLY by members of the Foxboro Massachusetts Jaycees chapter by a show of hands at the April meeting.<\/p>\n “It\u2019s actually a very quiet, simple matter,” explained longtime Jaycee Gina Linetti. We vote in the new board, there\u2019s a nice round of applause, and a week or two later the new officers get sworn in at the installation banquet, and we have a lovely dinner. I usually have the chicken and potatoes.”<\/p>\n Officials in other states also wondered why the Foxboro Jaycees were campaigning coast-to-coast as well.<\/p>\n Alderman Charles Boyle of Helene, Montana said, “I met all three candidates, and they seem very nice, and I appreciated them all telling me my vote matters, but it really doesn\u2019t \u2013 I don\u2019t live in Massachusetts and Montana has its own Jaycees.”<\/p>\n Mayor Amy Santiago of Lawrence, Kansas, added, “I tried to explain to each candidate that while we\u2019re always happy to have visitors from the great state of Massachusetts, the fact remains that Kansas \u2013 and the other 49 states \u2013 have nothing whatsoever to do with an election of a Jaycee board in a town in Massachusetts. Only members of that local chapter have a say in who gets voted in. That\u2019s how all chapters do that. It is a solely local town or city chapter decision.”<\/p>\n Foxboro Jaycee election official Raymond Jacob Holt was initially stunned by this information, and then conceded that it might be time for the Foxboro Jaycees to at least remind candidates for office that it is not necessary to campaign in the 49 other states (or indeed, outside Foxboro). Hold added, begrudgingly that is also might be time to abolish the use of the Electoral College in the Foxboro Jaycee election, as no area of the country (including Foxboro) has EVER reported Jaycee election results in the 432 year history of the chapter.<\/p>\n “This WOULD explain why every election night, my staff and I call thousands of election wards nationwide for the Foxboro Jaycee Electoral College results and no one has EVER had results available. Or that no one even knew what we were talking about, for that matter.”<\/p>\n Note: Calls to CNN, Fox News, Huffington Post, Daily Planet, ABC, NBC nor CBS were not immediately returned because they were apparently never made.<\/p>\n BRAD PITT AND ANGELINA JOLIE JOIN THE FOXBORO JAYCEES<\/strong><\/p>\n Jolie explained that her role as Goodwill ambassador of the UN and her humanitarian work make her a natural for the community service of the Foxboro Jaycees. “You have the greatest chapter of the Jaycees in the nation, and I figured I could become your ambassador or something.”<\/p>\n Pitt went on, “We\u2019re so famous and everyone loves us, and we agreed about the only way to stay on tabloid covers is to keep doing things. So here we are!”<\/p>\n In a completely unrelated story, the president of the Foxboro Jaycees, Jennifer Aniston, resigned her position today.<\/p>\n JAYCEES ABOLISH ROBERT’S RULES OF ORDER<\/strong><\/p>\n The move was initiated by chapter secretary Zowie Mimosa, who had a nervous breakdown at a recent membership meeting when a member asked her to read back his, \u201cMotion to amend the question to commit or refer, or recommit the objection to the consideration of a question whether to ratify the point of order on the original motion which was seconded to withdraw the request to table the amended motion of using the coupon to order three pizzas, two with cheese, one with extra pepperoni.\u201d<\/p>\n The chapter immediately realized that the time for decorum had simply passed, approving the motion with a rousing cry of, \u201cSo say we all!\u201d<\/p>\n Longtime Jaycee Ted Crilly was quoted as saying that meetings tend to be \u201clivelier\u201d with the new rules. \u201cIf you\u2019re allowed by bylaw to throw a heavy object at someone who says something you don\u2019t like, it really encourages attendance at meetings.\u201d He elaborated, \u201cLet\u2019s say there\u2019s a motion on the floor. You can say, “Any discussion?\u201d according to those wimpy parliamentary thingies, or you can stare everyone down and ask, “You wanna piece of me?\u201d Bottom line, the new approach makes for much faster meetings and things get done.\u201d<\/p>\n Another chapter member, Billy Valinor, added, \u201cIt\u2019s a new millennium. It really is time to get back to the good old days of intimidation, changing the subject, citing irrelevant facts or logic, employing false premises, hearsay, innuendo, name calling, playing on widely held fears or fantasies, questioning the motives of the opponent, redefining words, rejecting facts or logic as opinion, sarcasm, theatrical fake laughter or sighs, unqualified expert opinion, and international vagueness.\u201d<\/p>\n JAYCEE BOOK CLUB<\/strong><\/p>\n As usual, this month’s meeting will at 8:00 at Betty’s house. PLEASE remember our rules!<\/p>\n Members: Please note that to hopefully avoid a repeat of last month’s police involvement, please leave all sharp objects, tasers, and chains in their car.<\/p>\n Snacks will be served.<\/p>\n JAYCEES ANNOUNCE MOST AMBITIOUS HAUNTED HOUSE EVER<\/strong><\/p>\n Foxboro\u2014Jaycees Lauren Bitar and Robert Gillis announced today they would chair the 2012 Jaycee Haunted House at Camp Lincoln Hill Foxboro.<\/p>\n \u201c2012 is the will be the 100th anniversary of the Titanic sinking, so we\u2019re going to do Haunted Titanic,\u201d Bitar exclaims. \u201cWe plan to build a full scale replica of the Titanic and flood Camp Lincoln Hill with 500,000 gallons of seawater, and each room will represent a scene from the movie, with a haunted house theme.\u201d<\/p>\n When asked why the entire chapter had voted down the idea, citing the ludicrous expense, not to mention the ecological disaster and fallout from flooding Camp Lincoln Hill, Bitar said, \u201cIt\u2019s Titanic itself, people don\u2019t share our enthusiasm for it, our attention to detail.\u201d She sighed heavily. \u201cThe chapter can be blas\u00e9 about some things but NOT about Titanic!\u201d Breaking: Foxboro Common collapses after first iceberg delivered. On the plus side, we now have a gorgeous lake in the center of town.<\/p><\/div>\n CAMPING HIKING TRIP PICTURES!<\/strong><\/p>\n Many thanks to everyone who sent in pictures of the camping hiking trip! Looks like it was a great time as usual!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n FOXBORO JAYCEES INTRODUCE ABBREVIATED CREED<\/strong> In a move that stunned Jaycee chapters nationwide, the Foxboro Jaycees have changed the familiar Jaycee creed to a much shorter version.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t get us wrong,\u201d explained Jaycee Chapter President Martha Bach, \u201cWe love the creed and everything it stands for, and abide by its principles, but to be honest, it\u2019s just too much to ask tired members at the end of the general membership meeting to recite something from memory.\u201d<\/p>\n Jaycee Burt Johnson elaborated, \u201cWe get to the “remarks for the good of the chapter<\/em>,\u201d and Jaycees like Bob Gillis just go on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and by the time we\u2019re standing for the creed, I just have no energy to drive home, let alone recite a six line creed.\u201d<\/p>\n The new, abbreviated creed is as follows: \u201cWe believe \u2026 mumble, mumble, mumble, greatest work of life.\u201d<\/p>\n NEW HAUNTED HOUSE AT BOOTH PLAYGROUND<\/strong> The Foxboro Jaycees are elated to announce that the first of seventeen buildings from Camp Lincoln Hill, used in six haunted houses, has been dismantled, moved and restored at the new Haunted House location on Booth Playground.<\/p>\n There was some outcry from a few local crybabies as the skate park, baseball field, playground, and Igo school were demolished to make room for the seventeen ancient structures, but as one Jaycee observed, “The Jaycee Haunted House is an important part of Foxboro History that must be preserved!”<\/p>\n The “Guide\/Makeup” building, pictured here at the new location, was the obvious choice to go first. The much beloved building was used for makeup, costume preparation, food, and was the setting of unholy rituals, blood sacrifices to the queen of the fallen angels, and five John Denver Christmas specials.<\/p>\n The project is a Herculean one, as the Jaycees descended upon Camp Lincoln Hill in early 2006 and painstakingly disassembled each of the seventeen buildings and stored them in liquid nitrogen until they could be moved and reassembled.<\/p>\n The buildings, some of which are over fifty years old, were condemned because Camp Lincoln Hill is haunted by an evil spirit called Zancou. The new location is definitely not haunted, except for the evil clown in the nearby sewer.<\/p>\n The project is expected to be completed in time for the 2009 Haunted House, “The Haunted Ski Lodge”<\/p>\n 2009 CONCERTS ON THE COMMON SCHEDULE ANNOUNCED<\/strong> The 2009 Foxboro Jaycees Concerts on the Common schedule has been finalized! Join us each Thursday between 3:00am-5:00am as we proudly present our “Summer Concerts on the Common” series.<\/p>\n Shows begin Thursday July 5 and run on the second Thursday of every other week thereafter, except during holiday weeks when the show will be on Wednesday evening. In the event of rain the show is held the previous week.<\/p>\n This season offers something for everyone and all concerts are FREE!<\/p>\n RIOT AT JAYCEE EASTER EGG HUNT FORCES CHANGE IN VENUE<\/strong> As widely reported in the media, last year\u2019s festivities at the annual Easter Egg Hunt turned chaotic.<\/p>\n Expecting about 300 kids, the Jaycees were horrified when an estimated crowd of three million people descended on Foxboro Common.<\/p>\n The unruly mob soon discovered that there weren\u2019t enough eggs for everyone \u2013 and a group calling themselves the “Penny Candy Brigade” took the Easter Bunny hostage and demanded more caramels, green jelly beans and tootsie rolls.<\/p>\n Then, a Good & Plenty beaned someone in the head, and rioting began. After four hours of intense fighting, the riot squad was able to disperse the crowd with tear gas and a large supply of marshmallow peeps.<\/p>\n To avoid a repeat, this year\u2019s Easter Egg Hunt will be at the Foxboro Aquarium, to protect the Easter Bunny. To ensure everyone\u2019s safety, rather than Easter Eggs, we will be handing out free coupons to anger management workshops. Happy Easter to all!<\/p>\n![\"MoonLanding\"](\"http:\/\/www.foxborojaycees.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/02\/MoonLanding.jpg\")
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\nBreaking news April 1st 2019… In celebration of this year’s Foxboro Independence Day theme, “What I love about Foxboro,” the Foxboro Jaycees float will embrace what everyone loves about Foxboro… SNOW!<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
\n<\/a>BREAKING NEWS, FOXBORO – April 1, 2015: In response to the massive statewide effort underway to bring the 2024 Olympics to Boston, the Foxboro Jaycees have launched a competitive counter-bid to host the Olympics on Foxboro Common instead, run solely by the Jaycees.<\/p>\n
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\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a>edible new equipment. Our newly-created \u201cmicrocomputer\u201d division will consist of three members who will type in our meeting minutes and bylaws and save them to BOTH cassette and new \u201cfloppy\u201d discs each month. (A floppy disk is a small plastic device that contains a magnetic fabric identical to cassette, but can hold MUCH more “data” (up to three pages of typed information!!!))<\/p>\n<\/a>ave them (perhaps within the next ten years)!!! And, if industry hype is to be believed, within a few months you may even be able to EDIT the report!!!<\/p>\n
\n<\/a>In an unprecedented move, the Foxboro Jaycees have revoked the membership of its newest member. The Jaycee board, led by incoming president Selina Kyle, have taken the rare step of revoking the membership of Gotham City\u2019s masked crime-fighter, The Batman.<\/p>\n
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\nNew for 2014! Hot on the heels of the “Computer Revolution of 2011,” in a very close vote, the Foxboro Jaycees general membership has approved an expense line item to purchase a “camera” to take photographic images at Foxboro Jaycee events. After months of research and fact-finding, the committee approved the purchase of an “Instantload Cartridge” model of “camera.”<\/p>\n
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\n<\/strong><\/p>\nDespite that, all three candidates for Foxboro Jaycees president (not to mention the initial pool of 37 who have since dropped out) have spent the last 10 months traveling nationwide, making speeches, meeting with local and town officials, hosting town halls, searching for delegates, and attending caucuses coast-to-coast. At each stop, national media coverage has been non-existent.<\/p>\n
\n<\/a>In a move that surprised no one, celebrity superstars Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have joined the Foxboro Jaycees.The super couple, who met on Foxboro Common a few years back, went on to mega-stardom in movies, television, and adopting lots of children.Jolie and Pitt are no strangers to Foxboro, having filmed dozens of movies in town over their illustrious careers, including “The Ferret From Beyond The Stars,” “The Wailing Famous Dudes From Camelot,” “Day Of The Sneaky Macro-Freaks From The Phantom Zone (In 3-D)”, “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” “Gia,” and “Bride Of The Thingy From The Stone Age.”<\/div>\n
\n<\/a>By a unanimous vote, the Foxboro Jaycee bylaws will be amended on April 1, 2010 to abolish Robert\u2019s Rules of Order and Parliamentary Procedure from all meetings.<\/p>\n
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